hurting

i thought i’d be okay after few months. i was thinking that everything would be fine. everything would go back the way they used to be. i’d be happy like i used to.

i saw him that day. we were staying at the same place for that whole day. i passed along his way, i was thinking of greeting him but i didnt.

i was just staring the whole time. reminiscing the past and wondering if we could go back together. i realized there are so many things i missed about him. his smile, his laugh, everything.

i could still remember cooking for him and our friend, the way he slipped his arms around me while doing the dishes, how he teased me when i turn red because of jealousy then he’d calm me down and say “ayiih. nagseselos sya.”

i wanted to cry after that but i guess my tears ran dry after he left me. im still hurting. yup. and honestly speaking i cant get over it. too bad he doesnt want me back. too bad he’s happy with his life. too bad im still here hoping he’d come back.

i wish time would help me. i want to move on. i hate getting stuck with this. i want to be happy. even just for a moment.

disappointing

i dont have any idea on what to write. im still disappointed to myself. i messed up with my major subject and i dont have anyone to blame except myself(but im blaming her.. hahaha).

she was my teacher in anatomy class. i should have learned my lessons then but i didnt. when i enrolled ncm101(pediatrics) i thought i could get along but i didnt.

my midterm grade wasnt so good when she showed it to me. i did expect that she’d failed my by that time by it’s not necessary. and it’s too late to transfer to another schedule and teacher.

when the final term came, i was expecting a failing grade but she’s kind enough to give me an incomplete one. and to solve my agony, she gave me a remedial exam. she said that if i could get 40 correct answers, she’ll pass me.

to my surprise, i did it.

this afternoon, maam m(ncm 101 obstetrics) showed us our grade. she said that i was good. she knows im good. then she said i must do better next sem.

after the talk with maam m, i realized that what i’ve done is a big mistake. i would’ve done better.

i disappointed myself and the other people. tsk. tsk.

im not feeling good by now. yep, this is nonsense. i want out. escape. freedom.

sorry for wasting your time.

……..

goodbye to him!

i can move on with life without him.

he’s not worth grieving.

he’s just a waste of time.

YES to DABDA!

grrrr!

ice ice baby

it was a very hot afternoon indeed! i couldn’t stand to stay in our room. it’s like a big oven and we’re the pandesal.

while waiting for ma’am m, we stayed outside the room to appreciate a little humid air from mother nature. the sky was still clear, and we’re just enjoying it.

moments later, ma’am m arrived and she started discussing her lesson. damn, we missed her so much! she discussed her lesson as fast and credible as she could because she couldn’t stand the temperature in our room.

i saw the big dark clouds. suddenly, it rained! we ran to the nearest student center for cover. once seated, i noticed that the wind was going in circle, like a small tornado. other students along with my classmates moved to the other side of the center while i sat there alone thinking that I’d get wet wherever i go.

i was right! we’re all wet!

a classmate of mine suggested that we moved to the nearest building(laboratory building). we ran through the rain. it was short but it’s fun.

once there, i called out to my friends who stayed at the center. one of them shouted back,”umuulan ng yelo!”

it was hale! rare and dangerous for a tropic country! what’s wrong with mother nature?

it rained for a moment. broken tree branches, electric supply was down, etc.

why did it happen? i thought. was it a sign? is mother nature angry? what was it really?

combination of two or more

im the sage on the stage
my knowledge is for mileage
i’ll light the learning road
and carry the heavier load

i’ll be the role model
be the first one to hop on the saddle
i” show them the right step
stand beside them to give help

i’ll design group activities
to help them make new buddies
i’ll give them great challenge
like jigsaw puzzles for them to arrange

i’ll give them the choice of their own
to show the world how they’ve grown
i” give them the liberty, the power to control
like military leaders making and giving protocols

i’ll explain the lessons in one, two, three
and keep my class in harmony
there are times that i’m a pessimist
like the prince in the Beauty and the Beast

i’ll be like a joker with overflowing energy
bend my plans, grab opportunity
i’ll give them entertaining lessons
and encourage them to make experimentations

i’ll keep democracy in my room
give space for them to bloom
i’m open to innovation
upgrading the quality of education

i’ll help them to be independent
help them grow, be excellent
i’ll give them inspirations
encouraging them to answer big questions

combining two or more of these
the secret recipe of a mister or a miss
a wonderful human being is the end product
a teacher to be exact

———————————————————————————————————
an accidental poem(assignment in shed)

habertday chikoy!

happy birthday to me!

i was watching HP 6 while waiting for the clock to hit the 12.00 mark. since i was enjoying the show, i didn’t notice that somebody texted me.

from: boo(00.02)
r****, happy birthday! birthday mo di ba! God bless you!
-i didn’t expect that boo could still remember my special day.(thanks boo!)

five minutes passed.
from: marziella(00.07)
tsike! habertday!hehe.. happy happy birthday.. mwuah! God bless.
-maybe my cousin told her that it’s my birthday. ahaha..(thanks marziella!)

tick.tock.tick.tock. i have to sleep.
zzzz.zzzz. another message.
from: ghia(02.05)
happy birthday!
-oh cousin.still up?!(thanks bonbeans!)

then a chicken woke me up.
from:yeye(02.30)
hapi bday!more bdays to come!mwah!
-my beloved chicken! yeyeruel!(thanks renegade!)

from:glenny(03.03)
gudmorning! happy birthday r****! wish u ol d best. gudhealth en more bdays to come. enjoy your bday!
-ahaha.. miss you girl.(thanks glenny!)

rise and shine chikoy!

later……
from:alyssa(06.26)
happy birthday my dear cousin! labyou! mwa :*
-ahaha. my ‘lukring’ cousin. early to bed.early to rise(thanks balay!)

from:kuya kent(06.37)
happy birthday din. 20 na ako.. T.T
-i greeted him around 00.00. he’s my partner in crime when i was in highschool(thanks birthday boy!)

from:coco(06.39)
hapi bday ungas. hehe. enjoy your day.
-best way to greet your lil sis.(thanks ahya!)

from:mier(07.11)
gudmorning.. happy birthday.. wehehe.. mier po 2. God bless
-my brother’s latest fling.we’re not that close(thanks mier!)

from: ate punice(07.36)
happy bday insan!
-ahaha.. tell kuya john i want jellybeans(thanks ate nixe!)

from:aira(07.38-40)
appy bday ate!ahyabyuh! mwuah.
-kid! ahaha. thanks for flooding my inbox(thanks bulilit!)

from: coco(07.48)
charlene:happy birthday ate!
-my manila girl cousin. ready for the vacation?!(thanks chanlin!)

im hungry! i want to eat chocolates. thanks to my loving cousin(bunso) she loves giving me chocolates.

from:boo(08.38)
enjoy your happy and rainy and special and wonderful day!!! thanks for being a good friend to me. i wish you happiness and success! just stay humble and wonderful and God-fearing as you are. God bless.
-oh, boo! (thanks again boo!)

from:tita weng(09.02)
happy birthday! God bless always.
-hehe.. love you tita(thanks tita weng!)

from:colet(09.56)
ms.cheeky b******! happy happy bday! it’s cheeky day! so enjoy! haha! stay happy and lokaloka as always! wishing u ol d best!
-ahaha. i love the abortion thing my friend. did karen tell you about my day?(thanks colet!)

from: ate geanne(10.07)
hey! happy happy birthday wishing u all d happiness in the world!
ahaha.. blizzard!(thanks ate gege!)

from:levi(10.16)
hapi birthday! hihih.. love u.
how’s my fortune? dude, it’s been months!!!!(thanks paps!)

from:dudai(10.34)
ate cheeeekeeee! happppppy bday! mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
-cute kiddo. chikka mode?(thanks dudai!)

from:rio(11.05)
happy birthday r****!
my pet! misyu! how’s things with macoy?(thanks dugge!!)

from:bokbok(13.41)
ndi ata nasend yung tinext ko kanina. sayang. happy birthday.
still flirting with him? i’ll tell ate ai about it.. ahaha(thanks bokbok!)

from:leslie(17.14)
happy bertday r****!
-my spiritual guide! misyu bru!(thanks les!)

from:mommy rox(17.43)
happy birthday!
-my mom! i miss you! ahaha.. how’s dad? (thanks mom!)

thanks to my mommy yeng, ate judith,ate tetet, ate joy, tita weng, tita lilian, ditse, coco and of course my MOM.

thanks for the gifts and the food. i love you all!!!
chikoy is very happy and lucky to have you in her life.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

——————————————————————–
a day after my birthday, my bestfriend texted me.
from: tan (07.15)
woi. belated happy birthday! xenxa na di ako nakapagtext kahapon. di ko dala yung isa kong phone. ito na nga pala yung gagamitin kong #.
-man! i miss you so much! LOL! my future cousin! (thanks bean!)

moments later..
from: eva(07.56)
r****! belated happy birthday! eva to.
-hahaha.. the goddess!! (thanks eva!)

thanks guys! mwah!

chat with ma’am chat

no hospital duty for that day. we spent the whole morning at school helping our instructors prepare for their “mock accreditation”.

that afternoon, i saw mam chat walking towards me.
chikoy: mam ihahatid ko po kayo sa inyong patutunguhan.
mam chat: ok. under parasympathetic condition ang iyong body.now, ano ang condition ng brochi pag sympathetic?
chikoy: er. constricted
mam chat: ay. mali.
chikoy: ay. oo nga.

shame on me, i thought.

the following day, same thing happened.
chikoy: hi ma’am!
mam chat: my autistic student!
chikoy: where to?
ma’am chat: dyan lang.
chikoy: samahan ko po kayo.
ma’am chat: give me four medications used to treat glaucoma.
chikoy:(shoot! another one! i was thinking of bethanicol) hindi ko po alam.
ma’am chat: ay! ano ba yan.

another shame! now i realized how stupid lazy i am.

i still have my monday quiz. i have to be good! i know im good, im just lazy.(LOL)

missing achie

i miss you
hope you’re with us
laughter, smile, and frown

almost four months
we’re still grieving
i feel like dying

how i wish it’s me
how i wish it’s me
how i wish it’s me

i still cry
i want to talk to you
too bad, there’s no more you

if i have a time machine
i’ll save you
i wont let you go

achie!! achie!!
i miss you so much!
take me with you!

simple request

>can i borrow your workbook? i’ll have it photocopied. i dont have a book. please.

it’s just a small book.

please.

pst. where’s the book?

it’s just a simple request. it’s not that heavy.

you can have your book to yourself!selfish!!!!!!!

mad. depressed. wasted

just to have something

third area(hospital): ****
time: 6-2
weeks: 2
clinical area: er/dr

they had to divide our group into 2 and since we’re 14 in the group, 7 of us was handled by sir jdg and the other 7(im with them) was handled by mam jmas. we’re with the other 4th year students.

first week:
thursday:orientation. mam jmas discussed some stuffs about this and that. also,sir rm showed us how to do the surgical handwashing. no patient for the day.
friday: 2nd day.discussion about stages of labor and immediate care of the newborn. the first three had their patient.other students stayed at the conference hall(including me). mam jmas called us, we’re going home(the patient is for c/s).
saturday: i was so early. no mam jmas.no duty

-midterm week-

2nd week:
thursday: couldnt wait to see ***. we waited for our ci. almost 30mins passed then, there she was. continuation of discussion. no duty for friday(ninoy aquino’s day).no duty for saturday( despedida party for pareng camomile).
return demo for handwashing.
we played pinoy henyo. we won 20pesos each.
i want to stay there.
i want to see more of ***.

it feels like i didnt learn a thing from that area.
sir jdg said something that offended my groupmates. he’s kinda rude for a ci.
how i wish we can return there. hahaha.. just for fun.